Science Has Finally Determined Which Gender's Flatulence Smells Worse . . . Women's:
A study by five gastroenterologists from Denmark and England has found that the gender with the more foul-smelling flatulence is . . . WOMEN.
And those aren't their only new insights. Here's what else they found . . .
The average person breaks wind 10 TIMES a day.
And it's not your imagination . . . you really DO feel the need to pass more gas when you're on a plane. It's because of the change in air pressure.
But in that case, you SHOULD let it rip. You can cause yourself pain and bloating by holding them in. AND, the fabric in the seat cushion absorbs at least 50% of the odor, so you're not even being THAT rude to the other passengers.
A Woman Shows Up at Her Kid's Elementary School Assembly . . . and Starts Dancing Topless on Stage:
On Friday morning, North Albany Academy elementary school in Albany, New York was holding a school assembly. It wasn't open to parents, but 24-year-old Aydrea Meaders showed up anyway. Her kid goes to the school.
Aydrea went up on stage, where there was some music and dancing. According to a school official, she, quote, "wasn't an expected part of the routine, but she wasn't doing anything inappropriate."
Until she WAS. Quote, "Suddenly, she threw off her coat and stripped from the waist up." Staff members rushed her to stop her TOPLESS DANCE in front of the school and got her off the stage. Then they called the police.
She was charged with seven counts of endangering the welfare of a child, and one count of public lewdness. No one is quite sure WHY she decided to dance topless at her kid's school . . . and she hasn't given an explanation.
A Man is Tased for Stealing Justin Bieber Valentines From Target:
50-year-old Michael Pete Harding of South Grafton, Massachusetts was busted shoplifting a shopping cart's worth of stuff from a Target. And what was the highlight of the stuff he stole?
Several packages of JUSTIN BIEBER VALENTINES.
We have no idea why a 50-year-old man needs one Justin Bieber valentine, let alone dozens . . . but the heart wants what it wants.
Michael also shoplifted several cases of Red Bull, some containers of Tide, and some groceries.
Store security spotted him running through the parking lot with his cart full of stolen merchandise, and called the cops. An officer ended up in a foot race with Michael, which ended when the cop TASED him.
Michael was arrested for larceny and resisting arrest.